Cystic Fibrosis and College Feelings (CFx2)

I am officially settled in at the University of Minnesota Morris to study English. Going to college of course is an extremely exciting yet terrifying moment in anyone's life, myself not being an exception. However, having a chronic lung disease makes the thought of college overwhelmingly scary and dangerous.
I've had some practice being on my own in terms of taking care of myself, but not to the extent I am experiencing at Morris. Hospital visits and mom and dad stepping back have given me a glimpse into the life I would take on in college and beyond, but now that I am here, it is much different than I had expected. One of the biggest things I've noticed that gets in my way is time. It's not even that I don't have enough of it, but rather I lose track of it. 3:00 (the time I usually do a treatment) doesn't feel like 3:00 anymore. I think this is because school. fun, and living have all combined into one, rather than being separate, indicating the time and when I should do certain things, like treatments or setting up my feedings.
It's weird to live in the same place where I go to school. I've always been relatively open about my CF, but now that I have people living only a few feet away across the hall, I am even more open about it. It's hard to hide the fact that I have my own bathroom!
As I've talked about in my other blogs, my CF plays a big role in my friends and the people with whom I interact. This past week has proved to be a bit of a struggle because it's hard to open up about a topic so large with people I am just meeting. The other thing that has actually proved to be challenging is meeting people in the first place. It seems as if everyone already knows everyone else. I suppose it helps that they have a roommate, where I'm all alone in my dorm. I already feel behind in some sense.

One of the things I'm most nervous about now that I'm here is being organized and maintaining my health. I must thank my doctors for pouncing on me a week before I left, causing me to gain 8 pounds and a 5-6% lung function increase, however, despite meticulously planning my health schedule, it's proven to be harder than I expected. I haven't gotten sicker yet, but I've noticed that I've forgotten already to do my feedings every single night due to simply staying out and getting used to the college atmosphere. I intend to be an active member of the Morris college community; I already auditioned and made it into the orchestra, and I've gone to Ultimate Frisbee Club. Additionally, I plan on trying Swing Dance club and playing a lot of pool in the lounge. Unfortunately, with all of these things comes great risk and more diligence on my part in terms of my health. It doesn't mean I can't do it, but that I have to work harder. Here at Morris I feel like I can really relate to The Barenaked Ladie's hit song, "Grade 9." Give it a listen, you'll understand.

With the health scare that my doctors put into me only a few weeks ago, I seriously reconsidered doing anything besides my treatments and feedings. It's times like these that I really need Anna (not to say I don't normally, but you know). She did it all and had a great time in college. I can still learn from her, though not directly. I know she got sick more often than ideal in college, and my doctors, family, and friends have made it clear that that really hurt her. I need to work hard to stay healthy, because if I don't then I can't have any fun at all. Luckily for me, my girlfriend Noelle is at Morris too, and she has been kicking my butt. Sometimes she even helps set up my feedings, which is a tremendous help. It's really hard not having Anna for advice, support, and understanding, but Noelle has stepped in as best as she can to help.

Noelle and me on the first day of college!

This is really only the first step to the rest of my life. I've realized that while yes, college is a hard transition, especially with my CF, its a necessary one, because after this, I won't be going back to mom and dad's, I'll be going to my own home, responsible for myself forever. College is scary but so exciting and even though I have CF, I plan on making the most of it, just like the rest of my life.