I've learned in the past year or so, and have had it drilled in my head in the past few months, that mental health is yet another thing affected by cystic fibrosis. I've had (again, many times before but a plethora of times since August) countless existential crises, along with increased bouts of depression and anxiety. These include, but are not limited to, questions about why I exist (obviously), questions about why I have CF, doubting the importance of minute things such as homework when in the grand scheme of life it is meaningless, and why I worry so much about life.
These crises have put me through hell at night, keeping me up until 2 or 3 in the morning, causing me to text Noelle, call my sisters, or write all of my thoughts out on paper. However, I've found that they haven't been totally bad. Because of these instances of mental crises, I've developed the aforementioned (I love that word) phrase. I repeat it countless times, to myself, to others, and, probably most of all, to my girlfriend, Noelle, when I go on my rants which occur probably 65 times a day. Sorry, Noelle.
So, to me, here is the difference between care-free and careless, and why this motto has made such a huge impact on how I see life.
Care-free
Being care-free, to me, means not stressing. Now, of course, regardless of how care-free you are, stress is inevitable, but the idea is to minimize it and make it positive. For example, I get stressed with the insane amount of homework I have. Instead of carrying that stress on my shoulders and letting it get to me, I decide that homework isn't worth a mental breakdown, and that it really isn't worth anything. Life is too short to stress. What does homework mean in the long run? No, I'm not saying don't ever do your homework, because you can find some good stuff in there. For example, I read Walden by Thoreau and The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Irving because they were assigned to me. I Thoreau-ly enjoyed them and if I hadn't done my homework, I probably wouldn't have ever read them. Instead, what I'm suggesting, is that if you have so much homework to the point where it's bringing you down and taking over your life, you need to step back, evaluate what's important and what you can probably do without, do the important stuff, then go watch Netflix or enjoy college.
Being care-free also means doing what you want to do, like watch Netflix or take a nap. I chose to go to college for a few reasons, the main one obviously being furthering my education, but I also chose for the experience. I've heard many good things about college and wanted those experiences to myself. If I'm in my room at 3:00 on a Wednesday afternoon and my friends are going somewhere or it's just absolutely beautiful outside, you can bet I'm not going to be doing homework. Why waste four years of your life doing homework constantly? There are so many opportunities on any college campus, and it's my job to find out what they are and to take advantage of them. That's why I started my very own speech team! I've been dedicating a good amount of my time to doing that because I enjoy it. There are times I choose to write my speech or do research for it rather than do my Spanish homework, simply because to me Spanish comes fairly easily and it's just boring. My life is too short to be boring (anyone's is, that is not referencing my CF).
Careless
There is a fine line between these two, and I don't usually like to walk it but I sometimes guiltily find myself doing so once in a while. To me, being careless is, well, not caring. At all. It's going to college not to further my education, but to only do stuff I want to do. I do, in fact, want to actually learn things, which is why I'm paying to be here. If I were careless, I'd be spending money to be here and getting drunk, skipping class, and doing who knows what else. I know of a few people here on campus who are pretty careless. They waste their weekends away getting drunk every weekend and not remembering it the next day. Some people go home every single weekend to see their family or their boyfriend instead of meeting new people and making new memories here. That's careless, to me.
I do worry sometimes that people may see me as careless, and as a depressed kid who is hopeless and such. Well, in fact, it's quite the opposite. I'm very hopeful, which is why I do what I do. I'm hopeful that I'll get a job that I want, instead of a 9-5 office job that requires me 5 days a week. I don't want to spend my life working. I'm trying to detach myself from money, because, as cliche as it sounds, money doesn't buy happiness. And that's all I really want. I want to be happy. I want to do what I want to do, and if that means reading Sherlock Holmes instead of The House of the Seven Gables, well, I'll do it. In fact, I have been. I'm still reading, but I'm reading something I want to. I don't see the harm in that.
I just think that my life, as well as everyone's, is too short. Not to get too existential and crap, but we really have created this society that tells us we need to go to college and get As and get a 6 figure-paying job that doesn't allow us to see our families because money runs our lives and blah blah blah. Honestly, though, if you think about it, what does it mean? I want to travel, I'd like to have a decent house (though I really don't care too much; I'm going to be eating and sleeping in it, so who cares what it looks like), and I know that those things require money. I'm not dumb. I'm not throwing away my education and going to get a job as a Cub cashier for the rest of my life. But if I like being a cashier, why shouldn't I be?
These thoughts have really been emphasized since I've gotten to college, and I'd attribute it indirectly to my CF and directly to my mental health. I just want to be happy and healthy, and I'll do whatever it takes to get me to be there. I think we're all caught up sometimes in the frivolous things in our lives, the material goods and the tangible valuables that we don't consider what actually passes on to the next life (which is in itself a different discussion, but has some strong connections to this one). CF sure doesn't make me happy, but being sad about it doesn't either.
I do worry sometimes that people may see me as careless, and as a depressed kid who is hopeless and such. Well, in fact, it's quite the opposite. I'm very hopeful, which is why I do what I do. I'm hopeful that I'll get a job that I want, instead of a 9-5 office job that requires me 5 days a week. I don't want to spend my life working. I'm trying to detach myself from money, because, as cliche as it sounds, money doesn't buy happiness. And that's all I really want. I want to be happy. I want to do what I want to do, and if that means reading Sherlock Holmes instead of The House of the Seven Gables, well, I'll do it. In fact, I have been. I'm still reading, but I'm reading something I want to. I don't see the harm in that.
I just think that my life, as well as everyone's, is too short. Not to get too existential and crap, but we really have created this society that tells us we need to go to college and get As and get a 6 figure-paying job that doesn't allow us to see our families because money runs our lives and blah blah blah. Honestly, though, if you think about it, what does it mean? I want to travel, I'd like to have a decent house (though I really don't care too much; I'm going to be eating and sleeping in it, so who cares what it looks like), and I know that those things require money. I'm not dumb. I'm not throwing away my education and going to get a job as a Cub cashier for the rest of my life. But if I like being a cashier, why shouldn't I be?
These thoughts have really been emphasized since I've gotten to college, and I'd attribute it indirectly to my CF and directly to my mental health. I just want to be happy and healthy, and I'll do whatever it takes to get me to be there. I think we're all caught up sometimes in the frivolous things in our lives, the material goods and the tangible valuables that we don't consider what actually passes on to the next life (which is in itself a different discussion, but has some strong connections to this one). CF sure doesn't make me happy, but being sad about it doesn't either.
